Doing Better These Days

I just thought I would update on how things are going around here. I am feeling much better. Through this whole miscarriage I have not had any pains. Which I have heard there is a lot of pain. But I prayed to the Lord if He was going to put me through this, I better not be in horrible pain! LOL Well I believe He answered my prayers!
I went this past Monday for more blood work, I figured they would call me back telling me my HCG is depleted and I was good to go.Well, they called me Tuesday telling me my number only dropped one point since last week. So they wanted me to come in asap to get another ultrasound and more blood work. Let me tell you this I am OVER all this blood work! I know it  has to be done... but really I am there every 2 to 3 days!  They did the ultrasound to make sure I wasn't having a tubular pregnancy. Thank goodness I wasn't. I have what is called a Chemical Pregnancy. This is where I have miscarried within the first 5 to 6 weeks, before implantation. My body still thinks it is pregnant but there is no way that I am since my level is so low (320).  This might be a little too much info, but hey... it's life. My miscarriage happened in the tube, so blood and fiber stuff dropped into my uterus. Thus my body thinks that is a baby so my uterus has thicken like normal pregnancy. My uterus is too thick to allow the rest of everything to pass.  So now I have to keep getting my HCG checked and if it doesn't go down  I will have to get a shot. The shot will allow my body to let everything clean out like it should.So this is all a bit of a roller coaster, but it will all work out. I just was hoping I would go in that Monday and be done with all of this.

On a brighter note... Deric's parents, niece and nephew for a long weekend. I will post about their visit later this week. It was nice to have my mother in law, Linda, here when I had to go back to the doctor.  She went with me to the doctor Tuesday morning before they left. She is so sweet and comforting to me while she was here. I am thankful we have a great relationship.  Deric was going to meet us at the doctors but they got me in so fast I told him to just stay at work. He will have plenty of his share of doctors appointments in the future.I want the appointments that Deric goes to, to be happy and wonderful. Not all these scary and weird ones! We will have our happy and exciting doctor appointments soon!  I can't wait to be blogging about those soon!

Dare to Believe

I have been listening to a lot more Praise and Worship music in my car in the past  few months. I have to tell you that is all I  have been listening to now and loving every minute.It just gives you a different look on the day. I think when you start it out with worshiping the Lord your day is brighter! I can honestly say I have felt closer to our God these past 6 months than I have in a long time.
This past week has been better for me. I am feeling better and trusting more in God to keep giving me the strength that I need. I have been back to work and belly dance this week. While I was out and about this week. I have noticed that the SAME song keeps coming on the radio. I knew enough of the song to sing along to it so I would. I heard it twice yesterday.... on my way to the salon and on my way to belly dance. After hearing it 6 or so times in the car I realized I never listened to the song. So on my way to belly dance I didn't sing along with the song I listened. The song hit my like a cement block in the back of my head! It  was exactly what I needed my heart to hear. After the song was over I just felt this calmness in my whole body. Like a heavy weight lifted from me. I know very well that was the work of our amazing Lord.
He keep playing that song to me and I never listened. We all know we have a persistent God and He will get the message to us somewhere... somehow.  He opened my eyes and my heart to something that has helped me to heal and I think that is just amazing. I am in such awe of His work. If you will just sit back and listen to Him, He will speak to you.

Here is the clip of the song by Josh Wilson.... Before the Morning.

Never in Million Years

This post is going to be hardest yet I think. I have to talk about it even though I am sure I am going to cry my eyes out while I type. As we sit back and dream about our lives as young adults I always dreamed of having a great career that I loved, marring the man of my dreams, owning a home, and starting a family. I have achieved three of the four. I am pretty lucky girl! I have been doing what I love for the past 6 years been married and a homeowner for the past 3 1\2 years. We have been trying to start a family for a while now. When I was about to throw in the towel, give up, and began telling God when I was ready to have a baby. I soon realized that is one thing that is NOT up to me. A baby is a GIFT from God and only He can tell you when you are ready.  So I left it all up to the Lord. Easier said than done.
           p.s. I still told Him everyday it was about time and to get the show on the road!

A couple of weeks ago (March 1st) I was totally surprised to find out that we were finally pregnant. After months and months of taking pregnancy tests to find out they were all "broke", one actually wasn't!So I took two more to be sure! I was thrilled I called my parents first to tell them the good news. Deric had already gone to work when I took the test but it was killing me not to call him at work to tell him the good news. But I know my husband. If I would have called him at work to tell him I was pregnant he would turn white as a ghost and be thinking all day about how is life is going to change in front of his pretty blue eyes. He wouldn't be able to focus at work. So I waited all day. I had a cake to drop off for a friends birthday before I went to work so I stopped by Target also. I wanted to tell Deric the news in a special way. I bought a little neutral outfit and a bib that says "I love Daddy". I placed it all in a box with my pregnancy test. It was perfect.... it was how I always thought I would tell him. I went about my day so happy and could hardly stand myself. As soon as Deric got home I had him open the box, He was on the phone with his mom but I didn't care. I was about to scream it out loud if he didn't open the gift. Deric was shocked but I could tell by the look in his eyes he was happy. So that made me even more thrilled.
Our happiness lasted 2 weeks and I was trying not to tell many people because the "what ifs" that comes with an early pregnancy. My excitement turned to worrisome by last Wednesday when I noticed I had began spotting. I told myself no big deal it happens all the time for other women. So I went about my day and the spotting didn't go away. It was still there on Friday and because I had a little girls trip planned I decided to call my doctor to see what she said. She wanted to see my that day because the weekend was coming up. They did an ultrasound and blood work. The ultrasound came up empty.... really empty. There was no sign of  a fetus attached to my uterus nor was there anything in my fallopian tubes. So we had to wait to hear back from the blood work. My doctor had told me to go ahead on my trip and not to worry because they wouldn't get my test results back until Saturday. I was home an hour and they called me. My pregnancy hormone was only 348. If I was 6 weeks pregnant, according to my last cycle I was, the number should have been in the 1000s.
 My was heart broken my knees gave out and I hit the floor. It felt like someone was smashing my little heart into pieces. I sat on the floor until my good friend, neighbor and AR mom came running from across the street to me. Marcia had gone with me to my appointment earlier. I tried to breathe and stopped crying enough to let her know what was going on while I was dialing my mom to tell her. I gave mom the news and told her all the things the nurse told me. They had put me on complete bed rest and some r.x. hormones to get my levels to rise. I spent the whole weekend laying on the couch with my feet up. Deric took great care of me and was so sweet the whole weekend. I had to go in Monday at 8am (today) for more blood work. They called me at 11 for the results. My levels had dropped even more so my body was in fact miscarrying. I tried to stay strong and listen to everything the nurse was telling me when I just wanted to drop the phone and scream.  So today was not the best day in my life......... nor will the next few days be.
Any quite time I had I would just pray to God that He would either "fix" this baby or give me the strength to get through a loss. He know how much I wanted to be a mommy and I still long for it. One day when the time is right I will have my "perfect" baby growing inside of me. I  hoping this day is right around the corner. "Do you hear that God??!!! "
 If anything has taught me to grow closer to the Lord this is it. Not just the miscarriage the trying, failing, getting pregnant and losing it. Just teaches me more how I need to just leave it up to the Father and He will provide, even when you get the worse news there is a reason. I know it was nothing I did or didn't do. I firmly believe that this baby was not perfect enough for us and God took care of it. He knows what we can handle and would never gives us a challenge we couldn't get through.
I am so thankful to God for giving me the honor to marrying my best friend. He has been great through out this whole journey.  Deric you are such a special gift to me and you will never know how much I truly love you. Thank you for being supportive and letting me cry myself to sleep when it is needed. I LOVE YOU

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,And with my song I will praise Him.
Psalm 28:7

Zebra Print, Pink and Green

We shower the "Baby Gone Wild" in the cutest things you have ever seen!

Last Sunday I hosted a Baby Shower for Corienna (co-worker). The baby girl is expected to arrive on March 15th via c-section.  The shower turned out so wonderful. At one point I think there was about 30 women in our house! She had a good turn out. This was really the first shower I hosted by myself and it couldn't have gone any better. I did all the decor and of course the cake. My wonderful co-workers brought food so I wouldn't have to feed everyone. Here are some pictures of the day!

the food table 

                                    cake table...( btw just bought this table for our dinning room)

                                                 the cutest cake... first zebra print I have done
                                                      

                                      I thought turned out so cute.. I have zebra fabric from snuggies
                                                so I covered the computer chair to match!

                    

                                           I had so much fun and I more than happy to
                                             give this shower to the new momma to be


Love,

Happy Late Birthday Mom!

First I want to give a shout out to my Mom.... she celebrated her birthday this past Thursday! I hope you had a good birthday! Sorry you didn't get to see the Colts win the super bowl but you will soon have a snuggie to cuddle up in!  LOL

We will have some snow on the ground here in NWA, but it is so cold and windy.  We may have only gotten another 2 inches of snow after our 10 inches melted away. We did get to see that thing they called the sun yesterday! It is looking like we will get more snow starting tomorrow till the end of the weekend.

We haven't been doing much around here. I did make three more snuggies since the last time I blogged and sent them out. I didn't get a picture of two of  them before I mailed them.So mom you have to send me a pic of you in your snug and I will tell Robyn also! I am in the processes of making Deric a snuggie! It started as a joke and now I think he wants it! I did find his signature pattern... YES I found argyle! My wonderful husbands owns I bet at least 10 argyle sweaters and socks! Deric looks great in argyle though!  So he will pose for a picture when his is done. I am sure tomorrow I will have it finished.

                              This is a dark purple one for a girl at work, and Divot had to get in the pic!
                            I think he was feeling left out or he wanted outside. BTW don't mind the crowbar
                           our mailbox and trashcan was frozen shut! It usually doesn't sit by the front door!            

Last Thursday  we had a dinner for our friend, Deric's co-worker and a client of mine.. Kitty. She is a Army Reserve and was being deployed. She is such a wonderful woman! Cathy, another client, put the dinner party together.  A big group of us met at "Greenhouse Grille" in Fayetteville. We have never eaten there and it was really good!  Kitty is going to stay in the Army till she is retired. So she thinks she will have to do one more tour after this one. She will be gone for a little over a year this time. Cathy had the best idea... she made personal postcards for Kitty and we all wrote a little note on the back of them. Cathy will be sending them out randomly throughout the year to Kitty.  I thought it was the best idea.. she will have a note from her friends and a picture from home also!  I put together a little care package for Kitty. I had never made one before so I wasn't for sure what all she could take with her. But everything I put in the basket she can have! I was happy about that!  Here are a some photos of the night..

Kitty and Jason (her boyfriend)

                                                              Kitty and Cathy

                                         GOOD LUCK KITTY... WE WILL MISS YOU

"Blizzard 2010"

We haven't done much of anything today because of all the snow! I did manage to shovel out the sidewalk and the driveway. The pups were having a hard time going out to go potty!!! The drive was a lot more to handle than what I thought. The snow was packed down and the 2 inches of ice at the bottom made it more challenging. After I shovel the drive Divot and I had some fun in the snow. I got a ball for him and I threw it up and down the road. He loved to just run and slide... it was pretty darn cute! Birdie... the princess came out for a little bit but demanded she go back in! She watched from the office window mostly.

 We decided to get out and see how the roads looked this afternoon. Everything is still  snowed covered, iced, or complete slush! We were very thankful for our 4 wheel drive! It was in the 30s today and the sun was shinning so a lot melted. I still can't believe that we got that much snow. We officially got 10 inches of snow!!!  Here are some pictures of  the day. Not very exciting but you can see all the snow we got!

                                                    I just got started with the driveway

The driveway done... look at all the snow!

                                              Had to take a shot with the pups! Divot had his
                                              eye on the neighbor down the road shoveling!

Snow and Snuggies

This past Monday North West Arkansas has been preparing  for "Winter Storm 2010". The storm hit here last night..... Thursday. Arkansans  everywhere all week have been stocking up on food, water, candles and  generators! I think it is so silly that people go crazy when  we get a bit of snow. But on the other hand if we get another ice storm like last year  I don't really blame them. Here is a pic from last years storm.

                                               This tree stands taller than our house usually!

 Today I have the day off because of "Winter Storm 2010" so I am planing on sewing. I have had the urge to craft lately and I have to hit the spot! It started last week so my friend,Val and I had a sewing night on this past Monday. Her husband was out of town for work so it was a great time to break out our sewing machines and take over her living room! We decided on Sunday to make our own snuggies! On Monday we hit separate Hobby Lobbys on our lunch break the we met at her house after work. We pulled out our fleece and to our surprise we both purchased the same color pink fleece! We had a good outline of how we needed to go about making a snuggie and before we knew it her living room looked like a pink monster threw up all over the floor! Pieces of pink fleece and pink thread all over the place! I pretty much finished my snuggie with just some minor details to finish but it was 10:30pm and I needed to get home. Val on the other hand had given up after her attempt to sew her first sleeve on! So she just gave me ideas on how to improve my "blanket with sleeves" and took pictures! I added zebra print at the bottom to make it extra long. Then added zebra printed pocket in front the next night at home In all it was just a great time to spend with Val. She works and goes to school full time so we don't get to spend as much time together!  I didn't have my camera so we used Val's camera but I don't have any pics from our night but once I do I will post them too! Here is a picture after I added the pocket on!

So since my snuggie turned out I wanted to show everyone at work. So I did what I thought I would NEVER do. "I WORE MY SNUGGIE OUT IN PUBLIC"  At least it is super cute with the zebra print on it! I am so proud of my snuggie and my sewing skills... I haven't sewn anything for almost 2 years so it was so nice to break out my machine again. Thank you my wonderful SIL again for getting me the machine for Christmas like 3 or 4 years ago now! HAHA

Since  I am going to be stuck inside at home for the next couple of days because NWA is shut down and now that I look out the window it is looking pretty white out. I am going to sew my heart out. I have Val's half finished snuggie that I need to take apart and redo and then I am going to make my pregnant co-worker, Tara, one.  Ya'll better watch out I might just open up a  Salon, Snuggie and Cake shop!
                                    
                                           Here are some snow pictures I took this morning

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Speaking of Tara and cakes. This is the latest cake I did for Tara's son Dylan. He races dirt bikes and wanted nothing else but a dirt bike cake that he drew out blueprint style about 6 months ago!!

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