Down to Zero!!

Can I hear an Amen??!!!!

.. my hormone level is finally zero! It has been a month today when I found out I was going to miscarry. It seems so long ago but at the same time like it happened yesterday. (Sorry, but I just need to type out my feelings. I don't want to drag ya'll down with me!)

It seems like yesterday because I am at the doctors getting blood work done once sometimes twice a week. So that is a constance reminder of what happened to me. I took the miscarriage really hard. I still have moments when I am by myself where I weep because I am so sad for myself. I wanted that pregnancy to last. It was the perfect way for me to find out and to tell Deric. Now I feel like the next time I am going to be so scared about everything little thing. I just want to be able to enjoy it. But on the other hand it seems like it happened a month ago. We had family visit, my friend had her little girl, and my prom season has started. Sorry that was the hair stylist talkin!

I am so happy and relieved that my hormones all dropped to zero and I can move on. I sometimes wonder if all women who had a miscarriage takes long to heal. I know it is a loss and it is right to feel sad. I felt sad at first well I still feel sad, but mostly I feel hurt and disappointed. I am disappointed that it happened to me and hurt that God didn't stop it from happening. But at the same time I know that He has his reasons and it just isn't clear to me yet. I am human...I am going to think like this.

Speaking of my friends baby..... today was my first day watching her! We had a fabulous day. We dropped the dogs off to get groomed. Which I usually groom them myself but I was treating them to the "spa". BLAHAHAH Who am I kidding. I sometimes REALLY dislike grooming them so I treated MYSELF! Let me tell you this... I thought I did a pretty good job but they look a million times better! This is why I do human hair not dog's hair! Look how darn cute they are?? She even made them match!

There's my handsome boy!

She even put bows in Birdie's hair...

How sweet until Birdie rubs them out!

I almost got tears in my eyes when I saw my babies. It was hard to leave them there because I know they hate everything about grooming! And if ya'll know Divot.. he hates a crate! I was surprised to see he didn't loose any teeth today!

After we dropped the pups off we headed to the doctors for my LAST lab work and then to shop to kill some time before picking the pups back up. We came home for a bit and snuggled.

Then went back out to Wal-Mart! Farrah was such a good girl today! I hope she is like this every Thursday!!!

Simple Updos

Hey Gals! I am sure most of you have days where you can't seem to do ANYTHING with your hair. Well, I have some quick styles and tips for you! I am hoping to post a  new tip or style every week! I always get asked "Who did your hair" or "How did you get your hair to do that?"  I do my hair almost different everyday. I can't stand to have to be stuck with the same style!  It look me about 3 years to grow out my hair and I love the fact I can change it up all the time! And I am a hairstylist so I have to try new stuff all the time! Most of my clients leave my chair with a few tips in their pockets. So now I am finally stepping out and going to help ya'll!

Ok.. on with the videos...
 Disclaimer: I had been outside doing yard work so don't mind somewhat greasy hair and pretty much no makeup! LOL

The first video you can style the hair more messy (which is what is intended for). Or you can style it some sleek by using a pomade while styling.

 I promise this was the same technique as the video above. This is what is great about the style it can look different each time. And my curly hair make it look different also.

Now I always go back to a hand held mirror to check the back of my head. I rearrange pieces of my hair and repin to get the look I want. I usually am just checking to make it is even on both sides of my head. And I ALWAYS make sure I have a good bump on top!

On to the second do.... I am just planning on doing one video at a time but my sister needs my help!

This is a great hairstyle if you want something more polished.  I see the trend now for hair is low and loose. So each one of this styles works for that.  How cute would it be to put a cute little headband in it!

This style pretty much is the same... I was so happy when I found it with a darling headband!

 So I hope this helps you out when you are in need of a new do! Let me know if you try them out.  Also I would like your ideas on what YOU want to learn how to do with your hair. I do have a list of ideas of what I am going to do each week. So keep checking back!

 *I might need to find a model for my next tip. I wasn't planning on doing them on myself. But this way it shows you it can be done by yourself!

Shopping day...

Today was a very busy day off of work. I had to go in for what I thought would  be my last blood work at the doctors.. WRONG! My hormone level is now 19...close but needs to be zero. So I will be heading back next Thursday! I have given the lab at least ten vials blood in the past 2 1\2 weeks! At least it is finally dropping bigger amounts rather than one point at a time!

Anyways, remember the baby shower I hosted in February? Well let me introduce you to.....
                                                                   Miss Farrah Skye.

                                                               Born March 15th

                                                                     6lbs 9oz 

                                                                  19.5 inches

Did I mention she is  full of cuteness! Well I am going to start to keeping this little princess starting next Thursday.I offered to her momma and I have Thursdays off and she was needing someone to keep her!  So it was set that every Thursday her Aunt Mj was going to keep her!  I needed some baby gear for my house now. I was on a mission to find a swing... the girl LOVES her swing. I wanted one that was up far enough from the floor so Divot and Birdie would let her be. I looked on Criag's list at some but there was a consignment show today and I found a great swing for just 40 bucks!! I did buy some bows for Farrah also. The girl is in need of some bows! The one she has on in the picture is the only one she has!

                        This was her first lunch date... doesn't Corienna look great.. Farrah is only 2 wks old!

                                                       I know STINKIN CUTE!
I took this picture last Thursday when I kept Farrah for a few hours so momma could have a break!  

Ok... after the sale I was on my second mission to find a big  flower pot for the front of the house. I had trees there all winter and now it look bare! I wanted something to help bring color to the house!  First stop was Target. My neighbor, Marcia.... a.k.a  Arkansas Mom... went with me. I didn't find the right pot but I did see Ashley and Avery from Ashley's Avenue!!! I have seen Ashley at Target sooo many time but never talked to her! Well, because I didn't want her to think I was some crazy and knows her whole life!! I love it when I get a chance to meet the blog girls I follow!
*P.S  The last time I saw Ashely in Target was the day I found out I was pregnant. I was talking on the phone while in the baby section trying to find the perfect gift for Deric. I really wanted to just go up to someone to scream that I was pregnant! But I resisted..... thank goodness! LOL  I remember this so clearly because I was thinking the whole time.. that is going to be in 10 months.... shopping with MY baby and then blogging about it! LOL
                      Thanks Ashley for chatting and it was so nice to meet you FINALLY!!

                                             And YES Avery is THE cutest little princess!

After all the excitement at Target it was off to Home Depot. I did find the pot that I was looking for!

I am going to plant some sweet potato vine and wave petunias in it! I can see it now... GORGEOUS!
I also picked up some herbs there. Deric really wanted to try out a herb garden this year. I picked up basil, oregano, parsley,rosemary and sage. Do ya'll grow herbs?? I hope we don't kill em! I have pretty green thumb when it comes to flowers so I hope it will wear off on the herbs!

I ended my evening with my belly dance workout class. I have it every Thursday night at 6:30! I have so much fun at class and have made many new friends I can shimmy with! LOL
I feel like I have gotten a lot done today. I did do some laundry and dishes. But my bathrooms didn't get any T.L.C. today. Oh well.... they will be there tomorrow!

It's about time!

I haven't even posted yet about our visit with Deric's parents, niece and nephew. They traveled down to see us for spring break. We agreed on meeting in Branson for a night because we all wanted to see the Dixie Stampede. Linda (MIL) got us all tickets for the Saturday night show. You can read about the show on Deric's blog. We all had a great time and would go to the show again! We stayed just one night in Branson so Sunday morning we found a great cafe to have breakfast at. The cafe even had a guy singing up on a stage! He had a really good voice too!
 After we ate I wanted to go do the Old Time Photo.... Old Timey... is what I call em!Deric,Nate, Nikohl and I did the photo. We let the kids decide what they wanted to do so they picked the saloon pictures. Nate was just worried about the gun he was going to get to hold. He thought it was pretty cool he had the bigest gun. I didn't care what type of photo we did I just wanted to get a serious face on Nathan! He did it sooo perfectly! I just look at the photo and crack up! Nikhol and Deric had really good serious  faces also.  I don't really care for what I brought to the photo... my hair is ALL wrong. I get over it!

                              ( I am pretty sure this is illegal to copy this pic! SHHHH don't tell!)

We got home Sunday night after a little detour because of the nasty snow... yes snow in the south on spring break! We added about hour and half or more to our trip back home! We just stayed home for the rest of the evening. I made my goat cheese chicken and potatoes for dinner. While dinner was in the oven I finished up the kid's snuggies! Of course  I made them snuggies!   I had to do something to keep my mind off of my miscarriage. The kids will get a  lot of use out of them. They spend alot of summer nights by a bon fire and a snug is the way to go!  I have to thank Linda for taking pictures of the snuggies because I didn't get one picture!

                    Her pocket isn't cricked... just looks it! It isn't pulled up all the way over her shoulder

Nate's is a bit big... but he will grow into it fast! I love that the camo is tractors.

I have a friend/ neighbor that has a embroidery machine so I asked her to put the kid's names on their pockets! She was so sweet to do it at such last minute! The rest of our visit was really laid back which is nice to be able to just visit! I cut Nikohl's and Linda's hair on Monday when Deric was at work. Then took the kids to "Fast Lanes" on Monday night. We didn't bowl though. Just did the go carts and arcade games.

                                                Kohl and I stopped to wait on the track!

                                          Deric and I with the kids before they left to go home

                                                      Deric with Linda and Jerry

I thank my wonderful in-laws for coming down to visit! We love it when we have family and friends visit. We wish it would be longer and more often for sure!  We only get to see family 4 or 5 times a year!  We will be heading back up to Indiana in June. Our oldest nephew Nick (Kohl and Nate's older brother) is graduating from H.S.  I think we are planning on staying a week because it will be Kohl's 10th birthday too!

Doing Better These Days

I just thought I would update on how things are going around here. I am feeling much better. Through this whole miscarriage I have not had any pains. Which I have heard there is a lot of pain. But I prayed to the Lord if He was going to put me through this, I better not be in horrible pain! LOL Well I believe He answered my prayers!
I went this past Monday for more blood work, I figured they would call me back telling me my HCG is depleted and I was good to go.Well, they called me Tuesday telling me my number only dropped one point since last week. So they wanted me to come in asap to get another ultrasound and more blood work. Let me tell you this I am OVER all this blood work! I know it  has to be done... but really I am there every 2 to 3 days!  They did the ultrasound to make sure I wasn't having a tubular pregnancy. Thank goodness I wasn't. I have what is called a Chemical Pregnancy. This is where I have miscarried within the first 5 to 6 weeks, before implantation. My body still thinks it is pregnant but there is no way that I am since my level is so low (320).  This might be a little too much info, but hey... it's life. My miscarriage happened in the tube, so blood and fiber stuff dropped into my uterus. Thus my body thinks that is a baby so my uterus has thicken like normal pregnancy. My uterus is too thick to allow the rest of everything to pass.  So now I have to keep getting my HCG checked and if it doesn't go down  I will have to get a shot. The shot will allow my body to let everything clean out like it should.So this is all a bit of a roller coaster, but it will all work out. I just was hoping I would go in that Monday and be done with all of this.

On a brighter note... Deric's parents, niece and nephew for a long weekend. I will post about their visit later this week. It was nice to have my mother in law, Linda, here when I had to go back to the doctor.  She went with me to the doctor Tuesday morning before they left. She is so sweet and comforting to me while she was here. I am thankful we have a great relationship.  Deric was going to meet us at the doctors but they got me in so fast I told him to just stay at work. He will have plenty of his share of doctors appointments in the future.I want the appointments that Deric goes to, to be happy and wonderful. Not all these scary and weird ones! We will have our happy and exciting doctor appointments soon!  I can't wait to be blogging about those soon!

Dare to Believe

I have been listening to a lot more Praise and Worship music in my car in the past  few months. I have to tell you that is all I  have been listening to now and loving every minute.It just gives you a different look on the day. I think when you start it out with worshiping the Lord your day is brighter! I can honestly say I have felt closer to our God these past 6 months than I have in a long time.
This past week has been better for me. I am feeling better and trusting more in God to keep giving me the strength that I need. I have been back to work and belly dance this week. While I was out and about this week. I have noticed that the SAME song keeps coming on the radio. I knew enough of the song to sing along to it so I would. I heard it twice yesterday.... on my way to the salon and on my way to belly dance. After hearing it 6 or so times in the car I realized I never listened to the song. So on my way to belly dance I didn't sing along with the song I listened. The song hit my like a cement block in the back of my head! It  was exactly what I needed my heart to hear. After the song was over I just felt this calmness in my whole body. Like a heavy weight lifted from me. I know very well that was the work of our amazing Lord.
He keep playing that song to me and I never listened. We all know we have a persistent God and He will get the message to us somewhere... somehow.  He opened my eyes and my heart to something that has helped me to heal and I think that is just amazing. I am in such awe of His work. If you will just sit back and listen to Him, He will speak to you.

Here is the clip of the song by Josh Wilson.... Before the Morning.

Never in Million Years

This post is going to be hardest yet I think. I have to talk about it even though I am sure I am going to cry my eyes out while I type. As we sit back and dream about our lives as young adults I always dreamed of having a great career that I loved, marring the man of my dreams, owning a home, and starting a family. I have achieved three of the four. I am pretty lucky girl! I have been doing what I love for the past 6 years been married and a homeowner for the past 3 1\2 years. We have been trying to start a family for a while now. When I was about to throw in the towel, give up, and began telling God when I was ready to have a baby. I soon realized that is one thing that is NOT up to me. A baby is a GIFT from God and only He can tell you when you are ready.  So I left it all up to the Lord. Easier said than done.
           p.s. I still told Him everyday it was about time and to get the show on the road!

A couple of weeks ago (March 1st) I was totally surprised to find out that we were finally pregnant. After months and months of taking pregnancy tests to find out they were all "broke", one actually wasn't!So I took two more to be sure! I was thrilled I called my parents first to tell them the good news. Deric had already gone to work when I took the test but it was killing me not to call him at work to tell him the good news. But I know my husband. If I would have called him at work to tell him I was pregnant he would turn white as a ghost and be thinking all day about how is life is going to change in front of his pretty blue eyes. He wouldn't be able to focus at work. So I waited all day. I had a cake to drop off for a friends birthday before I went to work so I stopped by Target also. I wanted to tell Deric the news in a special way. I bought a little neutral outfit and a bib that says "I love Daddy". I placed it all in a box with my pregnancy test. It was perfect.... it was how I always thought I would tell him. I went about my day so happy and could hardly stand myself. As soon as Deric got home I had him open the box, He was on the phone with his mom but I didn't care. I was about to scream it out loud if he didn't open the gift. Deric was shocked but I could tell by the look in his eyes he was happy. So that made me even more thrilled.
Our happiness lasted 2 weeks and I was trying not to tell many people because the "what ifs" that comes with an early pregnancy. My excitement turned to worrisome by last Wednesday when I noticed I had began spotting. I told myself no big deal it happens all the time for other women. So I went about my day and the spotting didn't go away. It was still there on Friday and because I had a little girls trip planned I decided to call my doctor to see what she said. She wanted to see my that day because the weekend was coming up. They did an ultrasound and blood work. The ultrasound came up empty.... really empty. There was no sign of  a fetus attached to my uterus nor was there anything in my fallopian tubes. So we had to wait to hear back from the blood work. My doctor had told me to go ahead on my trip and not to worry because they wouldn't get my test results back until Saturday. I was home an hour and they called me. My pregnancy hormone was only 348. If I was 6 weeks pregnant, according to my last cycle I was, the number should have been in the 1000s.
 My was heart broken my knees gave out and I hit the floor. It felt like someone was smashing my little heart into pieces. I sat on the floor until my good friend, neighbor and AR mom came running from across the street to me. Marcia had gone with me to my appointment earlier. I tried to breathe and stopped crying enough to let her know what was going on while I was dialing my mom to tell her. I gave mom the news and told her all the things the nurse told me. They had put me on complete bed rest and some r.x. hormones to get my levels to rise. I spent the whole weekend laying on the couch with my feet up. Deric took great care of me and was so sweet the whole weekend. I had to go in Monday at 8am (today) for more blood work. They called me at 11 for the results. My levels had dropped even more so my body was in fact miscarrying. I tried to stay strong and listen to everything the nurse was telling me when I just wanted to drop the phone and scream.  So today was not the best day in my life......... nor will the next few days be.
Any quite time I had I would just pray to God that He would either "fix" this baby or give me the strength to get through a loss. He know how much I wanted to be a mommy and I still long for it. One day when the time is right I will have my "perfect" baby growing inside of me. I  hoping this day is right around the corner. "Do you hear that God??!!! "
 If anything has taught me to grow closer to the Lord this is it. Not just the miscarriage the trying, failing, getting pregnant and losing it. Just teaches me more how I need to just leave it up to the Father and He will provide, even when you get the worse news there is a reason. I know it was nothing I did or didn't do. I firmly believe that this baby was not perfect enough for us and God took care of it. He knows what we can handle and would never gives us a challenge we couldn't get through.
I am so thankful to God for giving me the honor to marrying my best friend. He has been great through out this whole journey.  Deric you are such a special gift to me and you will never know how much I truly love you. Thank you for being supportive and letting me cry myself to sleep when it is needed. I LOVE YOU

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,And with my song I will praise Him.
Psalm 28:7