Thursday, April 15, 2010

Down to Zero!!

Can I hear an Amen??!!!!

.. my hormone level is finally zero! It has been a month today when I found out I was going to miscarry. It seems so long ago but at the same time like it happened yesterday. (Sorry, but I just need to type out my feelings. I don't want to drag ya'll down with me!)
It seems like yesterday because I am at the doctors getting blood work done once sometimes twice a week. So that is a constance reminder of what happened to me. I took the miscarriage really hard. I still have moments when I am by myself where I weep because I am so sad for myself. I wanted that pregnancy to last. It was the perfect way for me to find out and to tell Deric. Now I feel like the next time I am going to be so scared about everything little thing. I just want to be able to enjoy it. But on the other hand it seems like it happened a month ago. We had family visit, my friend had her little girl, and my prom season has started. Sorry that was the hair stylist talkin!

I am so happy and relieved that my hormones all dropped to zero and I can move on. I sometimes wonder if all women who had a miscarriage takes long to heal. I know it is a loss and it is right to feel sad. I felt sad at first well I still feel sad, but mostly I feel hurt and disappointed. I am disappointed that it happened to me and hurt that God didn't stop it from happening. But at the same time I know that He has his reasons and it just isn't clear to me yet. I am human...I am going to think like this.

Speaking of my friends baby..... today was my first day watching her! We had a fabulous day. We dropped the dogs off to get groomed. Which I usually groom them myself but I was treating them to the "spa". BLAHAHAH Who am I kidding. I sometimes REALLY dislike grooming them so I treated MYSELF! Let me tell you this... I thought I did a pretty good job but they look a million times better! This is why I do human hair not dog's hair! Look how darn cute they are?? She even made them match!

There's my handsome boy!

She even put bows in Birdie's hair...
How sweet until Birdie rubs them out!

I almost got tears in my eyes when I saw my babies. It was hard to leave them there because I know they hate everything about grooming! And if ya'll know Divot.. he hates a crate! I was surprised to see he didn't loose any teeth today!
After we dropped the pups off we headed to the doctors for my LAST lab work and then to shop to kill some time before picking the pups back up. We came home for a bit and snuggled.

Then went back out to Wal-Mart! Farrah was such a good girl today! I hope she is like this every Thursday!!!


  1. So sorry to hear about your loss Amanda. I hope you are finding the space to grieve. Hugs.


  2. Amanda,
    I'm so sorry to hear your and Deric's loss. No matter how far along in a pregnancy the loss hurts and you need to give yourself time to grieve. There's no set timetable, it's a very personal thing.

    I had a miscarriage between Kristen and Liz, I was eleven weeks. Even though it wasn't a planned pregnancy (at least in our plans anyway) suffering that loss was not easy.

    Just trust in the Lord and his plan for your life and your family - today we have Liz in our family. If I hadn't miscarried she probably wouldn't have been born. The baby I lost was due in August 1987 - Liz was born in August 1988.

    Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

    Aunt Carol